If you asked me when I was 17 if my mother was a feminist, I'm not sure I would have said "yes." To me, at the time, she was just a very busy lady, but our life was pretty traditional–home cooked family dinners, work, school. My idea of feminism at the time was couched in terms like Womens Liberation, lead by the likes of Betty Freidan and Gloria Steinam. These were cutting edge feminists–women who rejected traditions in order to advance what, at the time, was a radical stance. Not the mold my mother fit.
It was the 70s. In 7th grade the girls in chorus sang Helen Reddy's "I am Woman." We believed it. But many of us lived pretty traditional lives. We weren't radical, but we heard their messages. My mom says, "if you're a liberal, stand next to a radical. When they stop shouting, you're quiet voice sounds reasonable." But we'll always need radicals to push the envelope so that the rest of us can deliver our own messages.
I realize now that my mom has ALWAYS been a feminist–in the truest sense, believing that women are equally capable to men, that opportunities should be afforded to her daughters, just as they were to her son, that women are imminently qualified for any job. She did this by growing her own qualifications, by becoming the most accomplished person in the room. Her "busyness" was her working full-time as a faculty member at a women's college; being an entrepreneur running her own camps; participating in local government; leading national organizations; supporting the passage of Title IX, and quietly supporting and promoting the accomplishments of her female students and colleagues. At the same time, she and my dad grew a strong and loving marriage and raised the three of us into caring adults.
So, yes, she is a feminist. And so is my dad, who supported all of these endeavors, while managing his own thriving medical practice, working at a city clinic on his day off, and providing leadership at our church. When mom became the president of the USA Field Hockey and a member of the US Olympic Committee, dad went along for the ride–to Australia, and Egypt, and Argentina, and Atlanta.
I grew up with a very strong sense of my own self-worth. I never doubted that I could do what I wanted, not intimidated by the sexism I've faced, but compelled to stare it down. It's no surprise that I married a feminist, too. David is the product of his own mother's accomplishments in raising four children on her own, working several jobs, fighting for child support. Together we've marched on Washington for women's rights, supported liberal causes, and have raised our girls to believe in the value of their own power.
And when Hillary Clinton declared, "Women's rights are human rights," we nodded and agreed. But we probably became a little complacent, too. Raising the girls, working, homemaking, we got distracted by life and lost sight of the fact that there was still unfinished business to attend to. And when Hillary ran the first time, we jumped on board Barack's train–finding his message compelling. At the time, I remember friends saying, "But she's a woman. How could you NOT vote for her?" So I can't criticize women for not voting for her...
It occurred to me over the last 10 days, that my mom and Hillary are the same kind of feminist–the kind of woman who does what needs to be done, who quietly becomes the most accomplished person in the room and achieves the respect of colleagues and opponents. Who does this work because it is the right thing to do and because they have causes that are close to their heart that compel them to continue the fight. For my mom, it is about empowering young women through coaching–at 84 she continues to participate in the Shillingford-Snell Symposium–an effort to engage female athletes to consider coaching. And she loves being a grandmother to her six accomplished granddaughters and grandsons, alike. Because it IS about EQUAL rights...
And her way of promoting her causes may be slow and steady, but offers assurance that the glass ceiling will break. If not in the next election, then soon. Accomplished women of my generation, who grew up with feminist ideals and belief in the power of their achievement will continue the pursuit–I see it already in my friends and colleagues. And our male partners and friends will do the same, because they, too, have been raised on feminism. It will happen.
coaching with my mom
In the meantime, there is unfinished work. We continue to raise powerful girls who believe that they can and will do anything they set their minds to, but we will also remind them that getting there requires hard work and effort beyond the everyday. So we'll dust off our marching shoes, fight injustice where we see it, promote our female friends and colleagues, find issues that compel us. And the next time an accomplished woman runs for president we'll do more, because I went to bed on election night realizing I hadn't done enough.
If you're like-minded, I encourage you to act. In whatever way feels right. We'll be here on January 21, 2017.
